He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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