I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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