well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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