Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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