Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
