having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Randomize
