the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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