I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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