I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
