mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
