i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
