They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
