He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
