Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
