Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
