Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
