I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
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Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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