I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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