So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
