Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
