It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
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You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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