and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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