Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
