dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
