we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
