My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
