then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
