is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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