I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
