if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
