you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
