I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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