you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
