BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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