sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
