Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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