I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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