Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My ass is underappreciated
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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