So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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