oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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