She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize