YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
