I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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