The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
