shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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