I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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