woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
