i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
