I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Randomize
