There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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