What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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