Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
