allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
