there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
