Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
