we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
