soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's like heaven, but drunker
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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