There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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