I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
