I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
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If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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