I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
