last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
