So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
