Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
