Screwed.edu
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Randomize
