you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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