just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
