Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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