just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
