I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
