i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
