The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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