Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
