I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She told me I should be a condom model.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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