i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
