I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
