It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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