If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My first STD was from a foam party
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
