I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
