dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
