I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
nutella sex= disaster
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
