Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
