Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
