i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
