I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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