I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
