he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think a kid would responsible me up
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
