my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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