last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
