problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
